DHARSH.Y ▼

2010-11-22T09:27:00.001+08:00

i'll try to start blogging more.

MUST GO FOR LANEWAY FEST, MUST GO FOR CRYSTAL CASTLE.

2010-10-07T14:17:00.001+08:00

http://smokeinabubble.blogspot.com

please supprt! <:

005

2010-08-13T10:10:00.001+08:00

hopefully i get to meet E later. (: if not it's job hunting for me. ):

004

2010-08-12T08:49:00.002+08:00

oh lonely dayz.

2010-08-10T08:29:00.001+08:00

seriously i can't believe i have friends like you. no wait you're not even my friend.
and to the other person. you're my bestf. you tell me you have to study dadada in the end you're out. wtf. don't wanna meet me just say. it's not hard.
suddenly these few days i've realized i'm making myself pretty "desperate" to hang out with friends. why? coz i miss them coz i wanna hang out with them. i get everyone's always too busy. so from now on i won't give a shit anymore (:

2010-08-06T11:29:00.002+08:00

i told E one of my deepest secrets last night. he said he will never leave me. now i'm more afraid than ever.

2010-08-04T12:10:00.001+08:00

shawna baby stop ignoring me :C

2010-08-04T08:28:00.002+08:00

who wants to double/triple date on national day? :3

i wanna make my life more interesting. i think it's a total bored, tbh. i've never experienced A LOT of things. compared to a lot of my friends, mine is

HI STALKER, TAKES ONE PATHETIC LOSER TO KNOW ANOTHER _|_

2010-07-27T22:10:00.003+08:00

to my dear ex best friend, W. i know you still read my blog. coz i saw that questionaire you answered that i did. the one thing that gave it away was the last question. you had the word "Dreaming-" probably because you forgot to read and i know that was in mine. i admit, i do miss you. i miss all the shit we did together, i always repeat so i won't do it again now. i still wanna be friends. just not best friends. i don't wanna go throu the same shit i did last year during my O levels period. i'm happy that you're happy with yat and yes i DO view your tumblr (: i still remember all those criticisms you aimed at me in your previous blog and from time to time i do read it. because i wanna know what really happened to us. truth is, we were both selfish in one way or another. i like it when i first got to know you. you were everything i wanted in a best friend. some of your qualities, i still want in a best friend. but the easiest thing for us is to be just friends. i tried forgetting about you after we met at bugis for the last time but somehow i can't. amongst all my best friends, you were and the best. i miss you, i really do. i try think pessimistically(if there even is such a word) but i cant. i miss you W.

what's up with the Chinese and Malays fighting? first of all, never EVER criticize someone by insulting their race, bad fucking move. if someone insulted my friend's race, i will never forgive them. especially if i know those people are the good ones of their race(some class mates should know) you dont apologize yet you trying to start a conversation. who the fuck are you trying to kid?! no seriously dude. you can open your mouth and insult others but somehow you cant even say the word "Sorry"?! what the f.u.c.k

2010-07-26T15:18:00.002+08:00

1. Are you single - i dont know.
2. Are you happy - yes.
3. Are you bored – yes.
4. Are you naked - no.
5. Are you a blonde - no.
6. Are you moody – no.
7. Are you a lover/hater - lover.
8. Are you hot/cold - cold.
9. Are you Irish - no.
10. Are you Asian- yes.

TEN FACTS

1. Name – Dharshy.
2. Nicknames –D.
3. Any birth marks - no.
4. Hair color – red.
5. Natural hair color - brown.
6. Eye color - black.
7. Height - 168.5cm.
8. Mood - monotonous
9. Favorite color – black, brown, gold, orange.
10. One Place to Visit - Greece.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

1. Do you believe in love at first sight – no.
2. Do you believe in soul mates - mmmaybe.
3. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - yes, very much.
4. Have you ever broke someone’s heart? - i don't know.
5. Ever had your heart broken? - yes.
6. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? - yes.
7. Are you afraid of commitment? - i don't know.
8. Who was the last person you hugged? - April.
9. Who was the last person you said I love you to? - its been a year plus.

TEN THIS OR THAT

1. Love or lust – love.
2. Cats or dogs – dogs.
3. A few best friends or many regular friends - a few bestfriends.
4. Television or internet - internet.
5. Chinese Or Indian - Chindian (ME)
6. Wild night out or romantic night in – depending on my mood.
7. Money or Happiness - both.
8. Night or Day - night.
9. MSN or Phone - iPhone.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out – YES(fail).
2. Been skinny dipping - no.
3. Bungee jumped – yes.
4. Lied to someone you liked – yes.
5. Finished an entire jaw breaker – what's that.
6. Wanted an ex bf/gf back – yes.
7. Cried because you lost a pet – no, but about to.
8. Wanted to disappear – yes.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER

1. Smile or eyes - eyes.
2. Light or dark hair – either.
3. Hugs or kisses - both.
4. Shorter or taller – talller.
5. Intelligence or attraction – both.
6. Romantic or spontaneous - both/either.
7. Funny or serious - funny.
8. Older or Younger - older.
9. Outgoing or quiet - outgoing.
10. Sweet or Bad Ass – both.

TEN HAVE YOU’S

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - yes.
2. Ever done drugs – no.
3. Ever been on a cheerleading team - no.
4. Ever Been on a dance team - yes.
5. Ever been on a sports team - yes.
6. Ever been in a drama play/production - yes.
7. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? - no.
8. Ever been in a rap video? - no.

TEN LASTS

1. Last phone call you made - E*
2. Last person you hung out with - best f.
3. Last time you worked - last month.
4. Last person you tackled - Cream.
5. Last person you IM’d - Jeremy.
6. Last person(s) you went to the movies with -E*
7. Last thing you missed – shopping.
8. Last thing you ate - Chicken Katsu rice bowl.

LAST PERSON TO

1. Sleep in bed beside you? - no one.
2. Saw you cry? – the people i use to hang out with.
3. You went out to dinner with? - E*
4. You talked on the phone to? - E*
5. Made you laugh? - E*

WOULD YOU RATHER

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? - BOTH.
2. Be serious or be funny? - both.
3. Drink whole or skim milk? - skim milk.
4. Spend time with your parents or enemies? - parents.

ARE YOU

1. Simple or complicated? - complicated
2. Retarded? - yes.

DO YOU PREFER

1. Flowers or candy? - flowers.
2. Gray or black?- both.
3. Color or Black and white photos? - color.
4. Sunrise or sunset? - sunset.
5. Staying up late or waking up early? - staying up late

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

1. Do you like anyone? - yes.
2. Do they know it? - yes.

DO YOU PREFER

1. Sun or moon? - moon.
2. Winter or Summer? - winter.
3. Left or right? - left.
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? - two best f.
5. Sun or rain? - rain.
6. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? - vanilla.
7. Vodka or Jack Daniels? - none.

UNIQUE

1. Nervous Habits? - rubbing my ears.
2. Are you double jointed? - no.
3. Can you twist your tongue around and roll it? -no.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? - yes.
5. Can you cross your eyes? - yes.
6. Do you make your bed daily? - no.

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU

1. Had a relationship? - no.
2. Bought something? - yes.
3. Sang? - yes.
4. Been hugged? - yes.
5. Felt stupid? - yes.
6. Missed someone? - yes, very much.

LASTS

1. Last Alcoholic Drink: Red Wine.
2. Last Car ride: on the way to school today.
3. Last Movie Seen: Eclipse(no kidding)
4. Last Song Played: Dreaming- Laura Marling

2010-07-22T10:31:00.002+08:00

faci is being bitchy today. okay no i am being bitchy. never fancied enterprise one bit. even if it helps me i really DON'T wanna give a shit. really fucking annoyed with people cancelling on me last minute, people cancelling on me after i planned the whole shit out. my ex bestf is right. no one appreciates me coz im some loser bitch. eh F, i know you're reading this, hope you're happy.

2010-07-21T12:45:00.002+08:00

right now i jus feel like leaving class and going to spent time with mom. but she dont like spending time with me, sigh. all i want is someone to love me. a mother to love me. i crave for this feeling. whenever i'm having my red flag, i start thinking more than i usually do. i feel more bitchy than i usually do. i feel the need to go out more and stay out late, dress up and take many many pictures. i wanna find a real proper book to read with the company of starbucks. i wanna party all night long and go for house parties, or sit outside 313 and people watch. okay all these are actually things i wanna do with/without red flag. hahahahahahaha. surprisingly, i'm not missing E*. maybe it is because of what happened last night? B told me something very important.

He's not even your boyfriend.

Means i have no right to feel pissed or angry or disappointed, right? Right. I don't wanna think of what's going to happen on Saturday night. i'm just going early, be happy and get out.

independent

2010-07-20T09:22:00.005+08:00

once you appeared i lost my independency. i depended so much on you. till one day B told me i'm being paranoid. somehow that hit me. coz i realized it was because i depended on you more than i thought i did, that paranoia came about. i feel so happy meeting you. so happy that i wanna meet you more than twice a week. i never knew a guy could do this to me. i always expected a girl to do that(because of how happy my friend is) but you make me so happy. idk why i just have this happy fuzzy feeling when i think about you. so much so that i'm even alright with deactivating my facebook.

sometimes i feel lonely, but somehow i rather be lonely and with you then with people who i dont know if i can call friends. i feel fake with them sometimes. idk i just wanna be real. yeah this post is rather, no link. haha. i actually thought of a lot of things last night, to blog about. now my mind is just a blank sheet of paper.

2010-07-19T10:49:00.014+08:00

SOMERSET

2010-07-16T11:15:00.002+08:00

going shopping with best friend later. i need wedges. mmm, i hate political shit but i seem to be heavily influenced. saturday shopping, alone. sunday shopping with A. i am controlling my addictions and my temper. honestly i still feel unappreciated ):

DEPRIVATION

2010-07-15T11:54:00.003+08:00

honestly, i feel very, deprived. i have not shopped in a long time. i used to shop -practically everyday. moreover i need to get more heels/wedges. i need fucking shopping. sat with E. sun with A. fri with F. ahhhhh

2010-07-12T08:35:00.004+08:00

FIRST OFFICIAL

facebook

2010-07-11T16:16:00.001+08:00

i never deleted anyone, i just deactivated it.

2010-07-11T12:58:00.002+08:00

for fuck sake stop crying!.. who am i kidding. for the first time i think i really like you. you're the first who's made me feel so special. yesterday was perfect. i never imagined you going away. please stay and mean it, please )':

nintendo wii

2010-07-09T09:11:00.003+08:00

you make me happy. somehow i get the impression that you're different. i hope this impression lasts. you say you like me and you want to date me even though i'm chubby & lead a mediocre life. you say you want to meet me & hug me even though you stay far from i. i want this to last & i really hope it does. you text me every morning and you spent your prepaid all on me. you buy me cajun chicken when we go to LJS & you know i'm a hardcore chicken fan. cyu tomorrow Nintendo.

2010-07-06T09:11:00.002+08:00

MY NEW SHOES HURT MY TOES SO BADLY! but it's so pretty!
& today i'm wearing wierd socks that don't even contrast with the shoes!
>:

2010-07-05T12:29:00.003+08:00

saturday, mmm. i cannot wait (:

i shall pass through this whole week with ease, hopefully.

okay who am i kidding, this week is shit (except for tomorrow & saturday)

mmm

i wanna dance, dance till i can't feel my legs, till i start to fly. till i'm in my own world and nothing can penetrate into my little bubble. it's a steel invisible bubble. anyone care to join? (:

2010-07-04T19:04:00.002+08:00

saturday
(:- fish tank
C:- E
):- meza virs
:- outside BK

sunday
:- brunch
(:- cousin
(:- Bitha
):<- MOM
):<- NOW!

2010-07-02T13:55:00.003+08:00

what happens when someone you love became someone you loved?

sometimes people attack others because they think they can bring that person down. and this gives them joy. sick, right? yes people like these do exist.

humans generally are all stubborn. but sooner or later, they've got to accept the fact that they are this way. and they have to change. i'm one of them. but i do believe i change over time. to that dear person who uses my posts to attack me. i hope you read this. sooner or later, you've got to stop this no matter how pathetic your life may be.

FRUIT PORN.

2010-06-28T15:08:00.002+08:00

who's going for The Rock Show/IGNITE!//?

GO WIMME:D

2010-06-26T10:14:00.002+08:00

seriously some people are just so full of themselves. one minute they're so fucking free and they bring your hopes up so high. they make you get hooked onto talking to them and they somehow tell you things that you get so sucked into and you actually believe them. the next minute they just ditch you, they don't text, and you hear nothing, from them. as though they suddenly disappeared. and think nothing is wrong. and just say one word, 'sorry'. fuck that word doesn't mean anything anymore. you plan everything in detail. you were happy the whole four days. on the fifth day, you doll up and feel pretty head to toe. but he never shows up. that overwhealming feeling of being a pathetic shit just overcomes you. "wow, i just got ditched." people who read this might feel that, it's nothing wrong. it's cause you're the person getting ditchd. you're not the person whose hopes got thrown on the floor. you're just the person reading. seriously fuck you. fuck all of those mother fuckers who do this. who makes people feel this way.

2010-06-23T14:43:00.000+08:00

insecurities

2010-06-17T11:01:00.001+08:00

i hate being so fucking fat.
i'm a fucking insecure fat bitch )':

PARTY PEOPLE. ☮

2010-06-15T14:59:00.002+08:00

sigh, i'm gonna say bye bye to my baby, but i don't wanna let her go.

shit, i hate you for doing this to me.

2010-06-14T12:10:00.003+08:00

SORRY FOR THE BAD EDITING :/

can't believe im saying this, but is anyone interested in an 8 y.o medium sized female dog?

she's of a maltese shi tzu cavilia mix.

she's very loveable and friendly, but very shy at the same time.

one problem is that she's not toilet trained :/

dogs her size can live up to 13-17 years.

she bites gently and it never hurts. she always, ALWAYS barks at strangers so she's good at scaring those ppl selling shit away. (:

she has been eating dry food since a puppy.

i wanna find her owner who can give her better care than i can. please don't hit her in any way :C

she's rather skinny though, no matter how much she eats, she needs vitamins.

the thing is she doesn't adapt well. but if you're interested, please call me asap.

if i don't give her away, she'll be put to sleep )':

Dharshy, 9488 7246.

2010-06-09T10:17:00.002+08:00

i wanna go to ze beach on friday. anyone? (:

going shopping alone today. mmm.

headache

2010-06-04T22:27:00.002+08:00

so sometimes you wonder, how did i get this headache? and you wonder, was it coz i ate too much? was it coz i walked too much? was it coz i talked too much, or perhaps, was it coz you smile and drown yourself in pills fucking pills? THEN YOU REALIZE THE ANSWER! it's coz you think too fucking much. and now, you're still thinking. hence this enhances the headache, KABOOMZ.

2010-06-03T08:35:00.001+08:00

yesterday's post was over dramatic so i'll delete. for two weeks i'm gonna stay home. well no i'm probably gonna go out shopping alone (:

2010-06-02T09:08:00.003+08:00

i really hate it when people owe me money. i stopped lending people money. people wonder why i'm so stingy. its because "friends" never return. in the end they avoid me and runaway when i talk about money. where's your responsibility? it's like taking someone's thing and NOT returning just because YOU FEEL LIKE IT. its called stealing, and acting as if NOTHING HAPPENED. if you've got a job and enough money to buy a laptop, whats a few tens that you took from me? those who read my blog, you might think i'm money face, but i've been waiting for months and a year plus for people to return me money. they talk to me like normal friends but the minute i mention the money they owe me, they ignore me. they stop replying and they stay away. why? why dont you have the balls to return? to W, F, J, S, please dont act blur and return what you owe me, seriously i'm damn sick of waiting.

2010-06-01T12:42:00.002+08:00

you never fucking change one bit. still fucking unappreciative. fuck i prioritize today for you but you just don't see it. you tell me you miss me and all that bullshit. and i actually fell for it, AGAIN. i chose you over everyone. seriously fuck you. just fuck off.

2010-05-26T15:32:00.000+08:00

bloody stressed out wiv money. i'm becoming very materialistic :C

2010-05-24T12:05:00.004+08:00

My weekends weren't well. I spent my saturday trying to find The Strip Show which apparently was postponed and that made me very cranky coz i passed a play and ditched my friend. I feel horrible, but i had no choice coz' I didn't want to disappoint Papa, sigh.

I love the song "Kissing In Cars" by Pierce The Veil.

Mmm, these insecurities are eating me up alive. When i met Bitha yesterday i felt horribly fat, she's doing her best to look hot for Surge III while i'm gourging myself with food. Wth am i thinking? Yes I'm gonna start of course.

Who's going for The Vampirates?!

2010-05-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

i am this close to leaving this house. i may only be 17 fucking years old but i have my limits and i know my rights. you might think i'm acting all mature and shit but that's just me. i don't see a point in acting like a 17 immature year old. suddenly all these responsibilities are dumped on me, and yet i receive such minimal freedom? No, this is not right. these responsibilities have a respective amount of freedom. if you do not give me that freedom, why should i conform to these responsibilities? you have no idea how badly these things are eating me up. mother you don't even care! i really cannot handle responsibilities, i really cannot handle stress. right now all i want is to leave home for at least a week and switch off my phone. i need to breathe, i feel so helpless and pathetic! i really can't help but cry myself to sleep every night knowing my family is falling apart. i choose to do NOTHING because i know it's better if you both just get a fucking divorce.

2010-05-21T11:30:00.003+08:00

don't bother lying when you know you suck at it. somehow i can't wait for holidays and the following semester. it sucks to have such migrain.

i miss my best friend ): mmm, at least i get to see her later. & im gonna meet Belle & Ted on sat. yay (:

who's going for Surge III?

honestly, i still get that tinge of jealousy when i see a a malay guy with her chinese girlfriend.

i get more jealous seeing them then seeing couples generally.

where's my indie/nerd (malay) boyf? ):

i want one to call mine, yes, mine.

2010-05-20T11:01:00.001+08:00

never realised my life could get any more pathetic than this.
serious Fuck My Life.
i cant even get a single soul to hang out with me on a saturday.
every freaking saturday i must ask and ask and ask.
maybe today onwards i'll just shut up.

2010-05-20T10:24:00.002+08:00

i wanna go for Broken Social Scene ♥

& who's free this sat?

i want a mod/indie boyfriend/girlfriend :3

2010-05-18T10:20:00.003+08:00

i feel as though i am just a reserved or your rebound when she's not there. sigh, i don't know why it affects me so much but i know why i'm still staying. it's because i care and i understand how you feel. i want to be there for you always but you just don't realise how important you are to me. it's only when she's gone then do you see me, and turn to me. but when she's here, i'm invinsible to you, am i right? i hate feeling this way but i don't want to tell you, though i try to drop hints. but you just don't see it cause upon every opportunity you get to be in contact with her in any way, you just ignore me and i disappear. to me you're very different and you're someone i will always love. but i guess i was too late. right? you changed my perspective on a lot of things and i enjoy your presence. no, it used to be infatuation turned crush, now it's just friendship. my dear S, i will never leave you. ok? *hugs* yeh i doubt you'd be reading this anyway.

2010-05-16T16:25:00.002+08:00

i hate to be ignored. if i annoy you, tell me in my fucking face dude. if you don't like me to initiate a phone call/text daily then just tell me in my fucking face. there you go bullshitting about how other girls ignore you? it's called fucking karma, bitch.

2010-05-14T13:19:00.002+08:00

i feel empty, and hollow. why? i do not know. but i'm starting to change. adapting to life in school. wavehouse here i come (:

2010-05-13T11:38:00.002+08:00

i need me some L4D2. Mmm, i need some clubbing and shopping. School has been fine, days pass really fast. UT tomorrow, wooots. Prepare for failure Dharshy!

2010-05-12T13:37:00.005+08:00

I NEED YOUR HELP

( I )

GO TO FACEBOOK AND SEARCH FOR MY BAND,

ALONG THE SUBWAY

AFTER THAT, LIKE THE BAND AND LIKE THE STATUS

VEH VEH IMPORTANT

PLEASE HELP ME SPAM

WE REALLY WANT TO PERFORM!

TYSM.

copy and paste the link below*

http://www.facebook.com/search/?post_form_id=ef5cae08eafd0bd23184e9437406f473&q=along+the+subway&init=quick&ref=search_loaded#!/pages/ALONG-THE-SUBWAY/102350263144104?ref=search&sid=701690675.4007006155..1

( II )

WAITING FOR NOTHINGs HAVING THEIR EP LAUNCH!
www.myspace.com/wfnsg

date: 150510 (sat)
venue: *Scape Youth Centre: Lab
price; $15 + EP, available @ http://www.onetickethub.com/
feat: Deputy Siren www.myspace.com/deputysiren
Avalanche www.myspace.com/shoutforanavalanche
QuickQuickDanger www.myspace.com/quickquickdanger

First 100 patrons will receive pins & stickers!

2010-05-10T12:35:00.003+08:00

ask me something on formspring. i is bored

hello,

yesterday's gig was nise

i like Elis's set (im not sure if i spelt it correctly)

i went a bit off pitch but heck, it was as good as it could get.

saw Raman there

he works there.

haha, cool.

it's good to take puffs after such a long time

mmmm :3

aku mendak giler

2010-05-08T19:35:00.001+08:00

is there anyone out there tonight?

i'm bored crazy and i wanna head to town.

but i don't wanna seem like some loner.

coz i hate stares.

these insecurities eat me up whole.

i guess i'm used to it.

town anyone? :)

I NEED COMPANY :C

2010-05-07T11:29:00.003+08:00

who's free tomorrow? i know this is pretty last minute but i need company for a gig.
and a flea market @ iluma.

TESSELATION: ONE
date: 080510 (saturday)
place: Substation, guiness theatre
price: 20 bucks/door
bands:
1. A Vacant Affair
2. They Will Kill Us All
3. Ingride
4. Silhouette
5. Indus Gendi
6. Hello, Is This The Band

aaaaand, this tuesd and the week after next's tuesday @homeclub
2000-2200
happy hour all night
1 for 1 Beer & Housepour @ $12

anyone?

2010-05-06T14:52:00.002+08:00

hello world. i have such high hopes on my future boyfriend. i know, i sound pathetic. but heck. i am learning to control feelings. coz it sucks to fall for a guy who sees you as a friend. im single and i can date whoever i want. right? i miss fags. and you know what? laughing gas don't make me laugh. it only makes me all numb and feel all squished up. though i still get jealous seeing couples, im still in the process of getting used to it. and yes, i DO like malay guys. so what?

2010-05-05T14:06:00.001+08:00

im growing so much more fatter,
and my family is falling apart.
sigh.
how now brown cow?
:C

2010-04-30T10:36:00.001+08:00

with Bitha now.

i've missed her very very much ):

now i need to pee.

baibai

2010-04-29T16:49:00.002+08:00

i wish i knew someone from RP more than a friend.
i just don't like the idea of Friends anymore.
i mean true they're there for you.
but sometimes i need a little love.
right?
this school is full of couples
why am i still dwelling on this whole couples issue?
fuck get over it la dharshy.
someone just slap me.
it sucks to be alone after school.
sitting in one corner thinking.
sucks to be sitting beside someone you think you like,
while he/she likes some other chic and sees you just as a fucking F R I E N D.
fuck the world.
fuck my pessimistic attitude.
i hate being alone.
think about it.
after school, you get to meet that special him/her
and you both just cuddle in one corner.
and rant and bitch, but at the same time hug and love.
and stay at that spot for hours, just enjoying each other's presence.
no, not mutual love, but more than that.
it beats sitting here right now, staring out watching happy couples.
i can't embrace solitude as much as i thought i could.
yes i'm weak
i'm a fucking weakling.
Can i help it?
no, i can't.
i hate, being alone.

2010-04-29T16:30:00.001+08:00

my blog is never happy.
haha, who gives a fuck

you make me sad, can we not know each other five years ago?

2010-04-29T14:28:00.001+08:00

maths is driving me fucking crazy
__

2010-04-28T12:53:00.002+08:00

www.formspring.me/dharshushu

i feel alone being dateless :/
my real date don't take me seriously.
sigh.
hello world :)

2010-04-26T11:37:00.003+08:00

grandmother's in the hospital ):
sigh.

i think i need someone to hang out wiv everyday after school, asap.

anyone in RP up for it? :/

for the next three years. think carefully ok (:

i'm afraid of falling for that dude.
wtf?

gig next sunday.
im nervous shit. haven't even memorized the lyrics D:

2010-04-22T12:35:00.003+08:00

sudden craving for smoking.

mmmm

2010-04-21T12:00:00.003+08:00

{RESTART ACOUSTIC}

DO COME DOWN TO SUPPORT:D

ATSs FIRST GIG

090510; SUNDAY

1500-2000

CHAPTER 6

5$/6$

*have to sell the tickets by this saturday ):

well this blog has been dead for the longest time.
A* is gone.
and i think i'm losing L*
well she don't seem like the type interested in starting a relationship wimme.
right? :/

school has been, different.
in a good way.
the people are awfully nice :3
and the breaks seem longer than the class itself.
and everyday's a different module
i think the easiest was when stanley stayed in ubin
HAHAHA.

S has been like a best friend to me here.
it's nice hanging out with him.
i still remembered how he used to bully me so badly, i felt like breaking down to cry.
HAHA, so much for being a happy boyszxszxszxSzxZ.

A is damn nice la i swear.
hahaha, why no malay boys D:

2010-03-29T13:34:00.000+08:00

i miss you, sigh.

2010-03-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

@dirtyfangs' work place now.

weeee

COME DOWN TO GIRAFFE FROM NEXT WEEK ONWARDS, TY.

2010-02-25T11:13:00.004+08:00

as of last night, debt increased.
as of yesterday @ 1800 hours, i am JOBLESS.
today, stay home, stone.
or go to Esplanade, or go to Northpoint to help Miss Evans with maths/arts.
tomo, go fee's house.
sat, go out with an old friend (:
tadaaaaaa.

i've my reasons for leaving.

so far, only one's noticing.

i pray they don't realise.

2010-02-20T13:05:00.001+08:00

can tell someone pissed/dislike me.
haha.
big deal -.-
i ain't sucking up to your ass.

2010-02-17T20:12:00.001+08:00

couples everywhere.
i shall not dwell so much on being alone.
haha, who am i kidding!
anyone going for total chaosssssss.

Chinese New Year. Pfft

2010-02-15T11:03:00.003+08:00

every year, chinese new year gets more and more, mundane.

people stop coming.

the atmosphere dies slowly.

Why do you even bother coming?

just to save face?

you barely call this a reunion dinner.

COME ON.

stop lying to yourself.

do any of you bother coming on the eve of new year, for reunion dinner?

do any of you, pray for ah gong?

remember when he passed, every single one of you said

you'd come more often to visit ah ma.

HAH, bullocks.

reunion dinner is only amongst a small group of us.

steam boat, and talk about girl stuff.

what's after that? mahjong? then? over.

that goes for new year's itself too.

so what, now ya'll just waiting for ah ma to pass on as well?

THEN, ya'll will start showing your faces?

i just really loathe these family reunions.

when everyone comes.

ya'll just sit in one corner.

or sit amongst your family members.

might as well save your time.

don't bother coming.

i'm having so much bottled up anger.

about my family.

about everything.

i don't like reunions.

i don't like being with the family.

cancer sticks are my only companion.

they're the only something that will always be there for me.

2010-02-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

you really want me out of the house i'll get the fuck out.
leave me alone.
dont call me either.
i'm always the one giving you stress.
right?
some DAUGHTER i am.
blame your stress and sickness on me.
fine.
say what you want.
just cause he was/isn't you treating you right.
blame everything on me
the blackest sheep of the family.
no, amongst EVERY teenager you know.
im the worst.
im seriously done with every single shit you throw at me.
leave me the fuck alone.

sucks to be me.

2010-02-05T22:45:00.007+08:00

mmm, i just feel so bloody sensitive.
sensitive to be around couples.
sensitive to SEE couples.
im just too much. i know. sigh
sucks to be me.

sucks to be me

2010-01-31T15:15:00.002+08:00

i hate it when i like someone, he dont feel the same way
i hate it when i like someone, that person suddenly disappears though it's been only a few days
i hate it when i like someone, that person lies to me.
i hate it when i like someone, he ignores and ditches me just like that.
seriously, why the fuck is this happening to me.
i feel like crying.
i hate being lonely.
i hate feeling so alone.
i hate this fucking feeling.
no im not going to fucking cry
i hate staying at home.
coz its the most lonely pathetic thing in my life right now.
i dont think i can permanently quit smoking.
coz smoking is my only companion.
even friends disappear after a while.
right?
im just being a serious pessimist and hating every damn thing about life.
wait, i have no fcuking life.
(Y)

2010-01-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

come home, first thing get slapped.
thanks, thanks a lot mama.

you are an ifatuation.
all i said was 'i think i'm falling for you'
sigh.
i regret.
you're just different.
well to me you seem that way.
i'm sorry i'm clingy.
i can't help it.
i need a boyfriend who's clingy like me.
but not too clingy.
one who shows he cares not just by words.
but definitely by actions.
this is why i fear getting into a relationship.
i swear a date would do just fine.
but too bad for me i guess.

2010-01-24T10:25:00.004+08:00

2010-01-19T22:22:00.001+08:00

Rush n Flush was good.
(:
someone ask me out, im veh bored.
everyday work equals no life.
i wanna work at Chilli.
mmmmmm.
im contemplating getting dermal anchoring.
:3

damn i hope this 3.2k is going to work.
lest BYEBYE 3.2k
i really need this change big time ):

2010-01-16T20:33:00.000+08:00

i need someone trustworthy willing to hear me out to talk to.
sigh.
i think i like that guy.
he's so damn nice.
too bad i'm not pretty enough.
dammit why am i so insecure!

2010-01-11T21:05:00.003+08:00

mom: you really give me a surprise all the time.
me: you dont have to be so sarcastic ):
mom: no, i mean it. you always tell me you study hard. you and i know that's a damn lie. results come back, you make me very disappointed. everytime the same thing. never fail. i always put my high hopes on you, but you always bring them down. do you know how i feel as a mother? dont compare with your sister, she's different.

yes mother, she'll always be different.

when i'm sad i eat.
THIS IS WHY I GO MEGA BOOMSZXS
FORK ):
losing 20 kg is gonna be a killer.
sigh.
this sucks, i suck

2010-01-11T18:25:00.002+08:00

sigh, dharshy you're a serious let down, the worst daughter and the biggest disappointment. not to forget, AN EPIC FAILURE CUM LOSER. screw you. no wait, congrats, you just made your parents sad again, prepare for WWIII. First it was PSLE. Now it's O freaking Levels. you're a serious work of art.

2010-01-09T18:33:00.002+08:00

".. i'm not used to this. im not used to you. im not used to having someone so close who i can talk to and rely on. and that just makes me feel weak and i am frightened coz that's just a scary thing."

Sugar Rush

2010-01-09T13:01:00.001+08:00

stay home weekend.

2010-01-08T23:11:00.001+08:00

if you ask me am i ok,
i'll just say yes.

FUCK YOU _|_

2010-01-07T20:43:00.003+08:00

you lied to me

you gave me false hope

coz why?

you think i'd forget you

well a big FUCK YOU

youre damn wrong.

now you dont wanna leave me.

you wanna help me.

you say so many sorrys

you think it helps now?

well a big FUCK YOU

you screwed up my thinking

you gave me false hopes

made me wait for you to reply

but of course you never did

well a big FUCK YOU

i dont give a shit what drugs you take

i dont give a shit even if you end up in the hospital for taking drugs.

i dont give a shit if your love/crush/whatever gives you false hope

and in the end, you're the one left in the ditches.

burried ten feet beneath the ground.

not me.

youre not helping me

youre just making it all worst.

fuck you and your imsosorry shit.

you and i both know that is bull shit.

i even learned how to sing a song for you.

i dislike the song and i definitely dislike the artiste.

but i do it coz i know you like me

well you made me feel like a fucking fool

lastly, leave me fucking alone.

you tell me you like me.

i've liked you for the longest time.

you dont pick up my calls

you dont reply my messages

you dont want to meet me.

you find excuses not to talk to me.

you dont bother sacrificing shit for me.

when i've done so much for you

im not that banshee and you know it damn well.

stop giving me excuses.

i know you never liked me.

i know, you never will.

you made me fall for you.

and you just suddenly disappeared.

then you appear

and disappear.

is this a fucking game to you?

i dont wanna play it.

fuck you boys.

fuck you for hurting me.

fuck you for treating me like shit

fuck you for treating me like a substitute.

fuck you for treating me like a 'back up girl'

fuck you all.

i have fucking feelings.

it is NOT okay to avoid me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to ditch me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to treat me this way and apologise

fuck you and your apology

from today on, im not going to be nice

im going to be a bitch

im controlling

SO WHAT
thats just me

im not going to change for you

im not going to apologise

i admit, i, dharshy, am partially at fault.

but you dont have to do this.

you have no fucking rights to do it.

just coz some girl did this to you

who the hell do you think you are to do this to me?

WHO?

im not going to fall so deeply for guys.

i really hate this feeling.

you dont have to care.

dont need your fucking sympathy.

youre the one who caused it

so now, LEAVE ME ALONE

2010-01-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

i'm happy now.
i don't know why (:
i have a nong nong weekends.
weeeee

2010-01-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

something is seriously wrong with me.
why am i so cranky tonight?
maybe its coz of something i read.
FUCKING BANGLAS MOLESTING SINGAPOREAN GIRLS.
SO OPEN SOME MORE.
SCREW YOU AND YOUR DISGUSTING SHIT.
seriously you make me so damn sick.
who the hell do you people think you are?
im very pissed off i wanna shove watermelons up your anal i swear!

and im gonna go anoerexic.
seriously this is the action im gonna take.
im sick of just talking and no action.
i hate work though today is the second day.
6-9/10 everyday.
sleep at 11. wake up at 6.
seven hours of sleep is NOT enough.
what if i wanna exercise? wake up at 5.
SCREW THIS __

2010-01-04T22:41:00.002+08:00

today @ work, i kept thinking about my life generally.
i hate my job.
why am i even working?
i hate working.
oh yes, for the sake of money.
for my cigarettes,
for shopping,
to be happy.
i have to work.
holding money in my hands makes me happy.
earning money to hold makes me feel crappy.
it's true. money DOES buy happiness.

at the end of the day,
it's you guys who make it all worthwhile.
thankyou amy & ena for listening.
i really appreciate it.
qam & enaa, i'll give you yours soon (:
to andy, we have to sit down and talk.
i know i have no rights to control your life,
but i want what's best for you, coz i care.
so as your, uhhh, sister, listen to me ogayyyy.
just listen, you dont have to take action.

i have finally found friends i feel most comfortable with.
enaa, i love hugging and pinching you (:

2010-01-03T23:09:00.002+08:00

when i cry, i'm very sad.
when i'm very sad, i eat a lot.
when i eat a lot, i hate me more.

i used to have serious issues.
i still do, but not so serious.

fuck you Dharshy you got to start thinking straight.
keep your damn words.
the longer you drag, the worst you'll feel.
you're an epic failure.
JUST SUCK UP TO IT.

2010-01-03T11:25:00.004+08:00

to QAM & MARK.
i know how terrible you both feel right now.
i felt it before.
and the stupid things i did after that was just, MEGA STUPID.
and i swear i regret every one bit of it.
thinking back now, i realised it was what i knew then, to be Love.
i thought He was My Love.
and i Loved him.
so when he wasn't mine, and he left me for some other girl, i felt sad.
coz in my mind, all i ever wanted was him.
and to me, HE WAS MINE.
it's like.
why does he get My Love?
or
what does he have that i don't?
or
what makes her fall for him so badly?

you can't force love.
if you can't have her now, it's just not meant to be.
you have to face that reality.
you can't blame her for not choosing you,
neither can you blame yourself for her not choosing you.

you feel fucked all over again.
this isn't the first time.
yet you're going through it again, and again.
and each time it just hurts more.
SUCK UP TO IT.
that's your only option.
though many small tiny things remind you of her, think about other things/people it reminds you of.
DO NOT try not to think of her.
coz in the end you're still thinking of her.
keep yourself very busy.
another way, just cry it out.
even if you have to every single night.
it really helps.

but whatever it is, DO NOT do stupid things.
for example, drinking and smoking like crazy coz you think it's a form of distraction or getting drunk brings you away from reality.
ok yes it does, but for how long?
and you're just gonna end up feeling so much more worst.

as a (new)friend, i'm here to advice and help (:
if you both ever need someone to talk to, i'm like always online.
Qam, though i just added you a few hours ago, i know what you're going through.
i won't say 'cheer up' or, 'she's not worth your time'
coz idk about how worth she is of your time.
but personally i hate it when people say 'cheer up'
you're at your ends, and someone tells you to 'cheer up'
it's just far from possible.

retail therapy ♥

2010-01-01T20:59:00.003+08:00

i love today.

no love is too strong a word.

i like today.

i love shopping with mama, though she loves nagging at me.

~~i feel so left out.~~

~~yes, really i do.~~

i feel like just venting my anger onto this blog.

since no one reads this shit anyways.

we should have never formed this in the first place.

look what's happening?

for once i actually felt happy.

this is why i never wanna get too emotionally attached to people.

in the end, somehow or rather, one/more will feel so neglected.

honestly, i shouldn't care. and yeh, i won't.

i don't need others to make myself feel better.

at the end of the day, i'm standing here, fucking, alone.

SUCK IT UP DHARSHY.

2010-01-01T11:58:00.002+08:00

HI POPOs. see ya'll tomorrow.

meet @ cityhall, 6.30

khatib, 7/7.15

if can, bring your own snacks for the stayover.

oh, AND DVDs. i have ZERO.

and for dinner, we have curry chicken, long bread, fried chicken wings, cuttle fishballs and tuna flan.

i know it seems very boring, but i cant think of anything coz ive to do grocery shopping and tons of other errands today. SO SEE YOU TOMO PEPO:D

2009-12-31T22:58:00.002+08:00

i think i wanna go MIA and detach myself from cyber world. ok i shall try, everytime i look at FB. i get jealous. WTF. sigh.
BAI

3 hours, wow.

2009-12-31T21:36:00.002+08:00

thanks, i get it.

to girls out there on a date.
signs to know if they guy wants OUT.
1. he's constantly looking at his phone, though his phone don't ring ( wtf)
2. before he meets you, he keeps asking what time you're going back. when you both meet, he says he needs to meet his friend at least an hour before the time you told him (dumb shit)
3. he doesn't look at you when he talks to you. (Whatever)
4. he talks about another girl the whole time. (wtf)
5. he gives you very short answers (get out of there love)
6. he shows little interest and keeps fidgiting feeling uncomfortable and shit(DUH)
7. he knows he's gonna ditch you and you're gonna be dead lonely for the next few hours yet he doesn't feel one pinch of guilt.

DITCH HIM BEFORE HE DITCHES YOU.

2009-12-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

im still jobless after so long. i feel super crappy right now ):

FUCK JOBS.

2009-12-29T15:15:00.001+08:00

everyone's getting jobs.
while im stuck fucking jobless, fuck.
on a ligher note,
im happy for you Enaa (:

and to pree, thank you for last night's short talk.
ily ♥

2009-12-28T13:09:00.002+08:00

i know this is a very sad and pathetic post but is there anyone wanna come over to my place to celebrate new year's countdown?

*pouts*

break fucking neck break.

2009-12-27T09:59:00.002+08:00

yesterday with the best (:
i love headbanging (:
the sores and cramps are totally worth it.
if only i had a boyfriend with dreadlocks, hahah, COOL SHIT (:
yesterday, i swore way to much.
zy knows why.

and what's with you guys?
acting like immature asses?
it's not cool to do whatever shit you're doing right now.
you wanna make this into a stare-what-stare-i'm-not-happy-with-you, go join some ah beng mat rep clan or something.
don't bring that attitude to the local music scene.
screw you and your immature acts.

2009-12-24T13:37:00.002+08:00

nowadays im too darn lazy to take pictures and upload. idk why. i can't upload on facebook either.
met sharul and belle yst.
i pray i get the job ):
i dont wanna work at hush puppies like SERIOUSLY.
today the gang meeting again and i cant
fuck this shit.
well whatever, i'm still gonna see ya'll on saturday (:

yesterday, i saw this beauty. she reminded me of snow white.
her blood red lips with her pale pure skin. and that black gorgeous hair.
i swear i wanna be just like her.
fuck diet and exercise. sigh.
I DONT HAVE A CHOICE.

on my way back, i was thinking, a lot.
yes i hate thinking.
but whatever.

new year resolution

1. reach 50kg by april.

2. start reading books.

3. dont fall in love.

4. stop swearing lest necessary.

5. change my fucked up attitude.

now my dearests, prepare for some rummmmm cake :D

if you're going for x-massacre, do text me.

kthxbai.

fucking jobless

2009-12-22T11:03:00.002+08:00

X-MASSACRE

venue: blackhole 212

date: 26th december; saturday

time: 4.30 onwards

tickets: $6/$10

Framework Tragedy

Analdicktion

Dante's Theory

Incoming

Lyssa's Requiem

This Sweet Insanity

Beyond Suicidal

Cranium Carnage

Nightmare Trilogy

im going for like three four bands so it's worth it since i paid 6 bucks just for LR once.

yes, me is undying fan.

anyone wanna go?

text meeeeeeeeee!

2009-12-20T11:10:00.002+08:00

mother you're fucking unreasonable.
yes you helped me hide from dad.
but now you're turning your back on me.
WTF YOU WANT ME TO DO AT HOME??

mom: idk, do whatever you want. you can go hang yourself also can.

you want me to grow fucking huge(as if i ain't big enough)
you dont want me to stay home, you dont want me to go out.
wth.
i know you've a damn problem with me.
just tell me in my face!
i know you've a damn problem with my friends.
they're MY friends.
not yours.
so BACK OFF.

i dont care about your racist problem.
i dont hang out with fucking MAT REPS and MINAH REPS
i do not.
yes i used to be easily influenced last time.
but now. NO.
i had piercings last time.
and i still want them
but i know you sure as hell will say no.
so i dont get them.
you dont fucking understand or care.
and you dont TRY either
on my 21 birthday.
IM OUT OF THE HOUSE

yesterday was fun.
to FTW, im sorry i was in a terrible mood.
i'll bake ya'll more cupcakes soon.
let's go out on 26th, saturday.
and have dinner at my place after that.
yao bu yao? text me tyvm.

2009-12-13T20:48:00.002+08:00

stop asking me when i'm getting my pay.

a lot of people are doing that.

just stop it.

yesterday was nice, made a new friend.

found out his age, yes pretty shocked.

he's SKINNY AND TALL
*shows little finger*

i dont like skinny ppl.

esp skinny girls who say they're FAT cos they have a tummy.

darling, BIG DEAL.

you don't have the rights to bitch about your little tummy as compared to girls like me.

and i'm thinking of having a second acoustic band.

though i already have ATS, i would like a second one.

so, any guitarist available?

and today, i watched new moon online at home, alone.

this movie is top on my charts of movies to watch.

see how far it has led me to doing this?

sigh.

2009-12-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

I WISH I HAD NO SOCIAL FUCKING LIFE, PERIOD.

fucking guilt.

2009-12-09T22:31:00.002+08:00

Sibel, i am so sorry. i know i let you down and i know it meant the world to you. i swear i've never felt so guilty before. you trusted me and i broke that trust. I know how it feels to give someone something, knowing you trust that so much, but in the end, they lose that very important object. in my case, the person didn't even bother apologising, but tried blaming it on someone else.

but right now right here, i'm apologising. i am very very sorry. i'll do everything i can, just to make it up to you.

im so sorry love ):

2009-12-06T09:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday was fun (:

ty gang.

see ya'll next sat.

2009-12-04T21:03:00.000+08:00

THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT __
all i want is just someone to talk to over the phone.
and i just cant find anyone.
WTF seriously, WHAT THE FCUK.

2009-12-02T12:23:00.002+08:00

i got fired on the first day of my job.
met era and zyzy and intan and hyydyy.
i need to find a job.
i wanna go job hunting, but i'm too lazy.
sigh.
i need a boyfriend.